just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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