Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
