we have officially lost it.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
