you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So squirting runs in the family.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You ruined the universe
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
