don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
