Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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