i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
