wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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