my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
