Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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