dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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