Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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