I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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