I think i peed on brittanys purse
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
