the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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