i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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