Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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