haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
