New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
