I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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