My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
