anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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