): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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