if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize