Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
