I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
