my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
