im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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