Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.

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(334): View more from Alabama

The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.

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(517): View more from Michigan

she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK

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(301): View more from Maryland

the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.

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(925): View more from California

you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race

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(530): View more from California

Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??

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(816): View more from Missouri

I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on

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