Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
