does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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