i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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