whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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