he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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