Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
