There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
