So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
