My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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