Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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