he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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