OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
