I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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