Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
