The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
