More tranny stories later!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
