I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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