Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
