not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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