I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
