I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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