yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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