toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
