I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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