She said her name was "party"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
