Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
