what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
