also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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