All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
