remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
are you so shy because you have an std?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
