It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize