1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
