I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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