sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
