I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
