he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
