She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
