Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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