what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
