Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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