I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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