I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
