Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
