He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize