I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
