well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
