i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
