Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
false alarm. still invincible.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
