Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
